I’ve had a rough week of tossing and turning in bed, getting close to walking out of my job, and sobbing on the drive home. My daily commute covers 300mi a week, 1200mi a month, about 14,400mi a year. Every freakin’ mile behind me is another mile of my life. My commute’s become an existential bubble between black pavement and a ton of moving metal. The continual bubble of self has given me time to reflect and I’ve started to regret certain choices in life.
Don’t get me wrong. I’ve been very fortunate and grateful for everything I’ve been given. Which is a lot. I have the best friends, greatest husband, supportive art community, etc. I just keep panicking that if I don’t leave this dumbass desk job, I’m going to shrivel and die!!! My workplace is a wonderful prestigious place for someone that wants to settle into something. I'm just not ready to die.
Another thing is, I’m getting closer to the end of baby bearing years. (Yes, I’d love to have A baby.) I just want to be sure I won’t feel a shred of regret if I do. That could easily happen if I don’t try to follow my dreams. I realize I’m choosing a later stage in life to change. It's also harder in some ways because I’m no longer traveling alone, I’m married. Every change in life will impact C’s as well. However, I’m very grateful to say, he’s been completely supportive and understands how important it is for me to accomplish this goal. We will be downgrading our beautiful house to live in a one-bedroom, I’ll be moving to part time work. A baby will have to wait.
So, I’m going back to school to eventually get a Masters in Art History w/ an Emphasis in Museum and Curatorial Studies. It might be a stopandgo journey, but at least I’m getting off the road to Nowheresville.
((Thank you ever-loving Husband))
A message from someone further along the "later stage in life" ... GOOD FOR YOU!
ReplyDelete"A lot of people enjoy being dead. But they are not dead, really. They're just backing away from life. *Reach* out. Take a *chance*. Get *hurt* even. But play as well as you can. Go team, go! Give me an L. Give me an I. Give me a V. Give me an E. L-I-V-E. LIVE! Otherwise, you got nothing to talk about in the locker room. "
~Maude (Harold and Maude)
Aaaaa I love that quote, and I love that you are making sure you tend to your own dreams and aspirations! I can't think of anything healthier and more important to consider when planning to have a family. You never cease to inspire! <3
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